Anniversary, Addiction and Salvation (Army)

Hello, Friends.

I am late once again posting, but I kind of felt like the Christmas letterfilled in the gap a little. Now Christmas and New Years has come and gone (Almost. It's New Year's day)and another update is in order, although I think it will be my last blog page. I may start a Facebook page, or you may just have to send me an email if you want to know how Jack and I are doing.

Jack and I are enjoying the Christmas vacation and time off. I cut back work to just the occasional small, important job and left the other stuff for later. It's slower this time of year, anyway, so no client is really affected that much. We've been very social and have had several play dates to boot. Another one or two are scheduled for later today and we will no doubt continue some through
the start of school on Thursday. Nice to have so much time off.

Well, to backtrack slightly, I got through December 22nd, our anniversary, without too much difficulty. It helped to be crazy busy with work, shopping and Christmas prep, but no matter how busy you are, thoughts do creep in. I do a kind of mental balancing act when that happens. Too little thought doesn't allow me to grieve. Too much brings on tears and almost certainly a headache that will last the rest of the day.

I couldn't face a Christmas tree this year. Jack didn't seem to mind, as long as I put up lights outside. He wanted more, of course.
What kid doesn't? Maybe next year.

I can't blame Andrea, but I had a headache from noon on the 24th through Christmas Day that was just awful at times. Christmas Eve
I finally took a couple Dilaudid left over from Andrea's stash. It helped, but on Christmas morning I still had a headache and took two more in succession (not rapid). The result was that I threw-up three times. Can't help but wonder how many times Andrea's vomiting was caused by drugs now. Not a pleasant thought. Anyway, I had as pleasant a brunch at Steph's as possible, then spent the afternoon at Kellie's with kids and an ice pack on my head. Then home around dinnertime. Not a fun 36 hours.

Things with Kellie are very good. She was only solicitous and loving through Christmas Eve and Day, despite my incapacitation. Of course I wouldn't even BE with someone who woudn't be, lol. I recognize a good woman when I meet one. Jack does, too, although his
requirements are mostly playing with him and giving him hugs and kisses. Kellie takes an interest in his video games much more than I do, so she probably rates above me at times. I can live with that.

We had a very nice belated Hanukkah dinner at Harriets last Sunday.
Sat next to cousin Steve Gordon and family, which is always pleasant. Jack sang the Hanukkah song he learned in school. He's singing a little more these days. Mostly Christmas carols.

About that "Addiction" in the title. I am all but addicted to the annual Chex Mix known in our family as "Nuts and Bolts". I've seen recipes for Nuts and Bolts on the web, so others apparently share that name. Anyway, I made a batch (nutless, as nuts have a headache link for me) of half a bushel or so (3 boxes of cereal and the equivalent of 2 boxes of pretzels), then preceeded to eat it morning noon and night until it was done. I just LOVE it.

As for the "Salvation", I was a bell ringer for the Salvation Army this year for an hour. Yes, this non-Christian rang the bell for an hour with Jack. A Tiger Cub Scout dad made the arrangements, so I said what the heck. I am aware of the many good things the Salvation Army does, so that is the part I'm supporting. As I rationalize it, anyway. Jack helped bring in some $70 for our hour thanks to his wearing a blinking santa hat. No thanks to his being totally bored with it and whining after a half hour. He stuck it out, though. We rang the bell in front of a grocery store and I was gratified to see some %40 of the people donate. Amazing really.

2010 promises.....what? I haven't a clue, but I'll make the best of things, as best I can. My eyes fill and tears drop on the keyboard as I contemplate the first year without Andrea. I tell myself it is a little like when she was alive but away: I have her and I don't.
We'll have 2010 and all too soon we won't. Make the best of it.

S