December 2011 (How's that for a creative heading?)

6 am in a house with no heat is a good way to start a Charles Dickens story, but a poor way to start a Christmas letter. Things worked out okay in A Christmas Carol, though, and I’m pretty sure things will work out okay for us eventually, too, despite the current travails that have come with adding a second floor to the house. In the meantime we huddle before the fireplace or stove, or drag around a portable heater (such as at my feet just now), and endure. And though the70mph winds on our hillside house were awful last week, ripping off limbs and the nailed down tarp covering our exposed second floor; and the rains have me up checking on large puddles in the tarp or placing buckets around the house, we haven’t had wind AND rain at the same time. I am thankful for that-- and for so much more. We’ll get a roof on the house in a week or two, a furnace a couple weeks after that. By summer we should have a mostly new house. That’s a dangerous prediction to make, so maybe I should say by next Christmas and play it safe. I am still finishing a bathroom that I thought would be done in July, so I should know. I DO know. Changes, uncertainty, work, homework, headaches, Jacktivities and a few other factors delayed me. That’s life. Life is change. One of my bigger changes is the likelihood that I will not be fixing up the house selling it after a few years and moving on. It now seems likely that we will be staying here, but more about that later.
Jack has been pretty patient through it all and can occupy himself for good periods of time, but he has definitely exceeded the American Pediatric Association’s guidelines for TV and video game time. I got the benefit of more work time, but what will the price be down the road? I hope it’s not too heavy. When I was his age I was heavily into comic books, Boys Life and a series of short, biographical books, but Jack is Jack. He is a reluctant reader unless it’s a book collection of Calvin and Hobbes. He can busy himself with Legos or doing nothing, but every half-hour I still hear “I’m hungry”. Every. Half. Hour.
When people ask me how Jack is doing, my pat answer is “Fine, as long as he has a playdate everyday and a constant stream of food”. Not having siblings and being a social animal, Jack always wants to be around people. I try to accommodate him on this, for it also gives me more time to work on the house. Those playdates tend to be on weekends or Friday afternoon because during the week he is either occupied with homework , karate class, or stays after school until 6 two days a week. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of time leftover. I don’t remember that much homework in 3rd grade, but then again it seems I don’t remember anything that well anymore. In any event, Jack was at a birthday ice skating party yesterday and had a good time despite some falls and tears at one point. He said he had a good time and I’m told he went back out on the ice a second time despite the tears. That’s a great metaphor: Life is hard, you cry, you get back up and keep going. Repeat a thousand times.
Jack’s latest report cards have been so-so in a few subjects, so I have begun a program of more homework and earlier bedtimes. I erred in letting Jack stay up later just because he seems to be a nightowl and awakes fairly easily. His teacher mentioned that he wasn’t staying focused in class, and one day Jack said he was “tired” in class. Bing! Lights went off in my head. So the earlier bedtime and daily grading on class participation and focus is helping. The last two days he got four 5 out of 5 ratings, so I’m encouraged. And whatever happens in class, Jack is still a caring, empathetic and happy soul who fills my heart in some way every day and everyway some days.
The year has seen some reverses, unfortunately. Mother entered an assisted living facility, had a stroke, and is now in the memory-impaired unit of the same facility. She’s 90 and had been doing pretty well up until the last year. She’s improved some since her stroke, and will keep improving, I hope.
Another setback was when sister- in-law Steph got a diagnosis of breast cancer. She has one more chemo session to endure, then radiation follows in a month or so. Regular exams helped catch the cancer at an early stage, so the prognosis is excellent. Steph says she doesn’t know how Andrea endured so many chemo sessions over the years and kept on working. I don’t either.
Compared to cancer and death, other “setbacks” seem trivial. And they are. Like the original construction schedule for our house called for most of the work to be done by Christmas. It’s not. Not even close. Stud walls went up just a couple days ago and still we have no roof, so obviously there’s a long way to go. I will finish the rooms upstairs once the contractor does his thing. Maybe by next Christmas I’ll be done. In the meantime, living with constant dust, rain buckets and a good part of our belongings stashed in piles of boxes is a tribulation, but one we can endure. In fact, compared to cancer or the problems other people around the world face daily, it’s a lark.
On the Plus side of the balance sheet for 2011 is a relationship that shows every sign of being a lengthy one. I have Match.com to thank for helping bring one Judy Caldeira into our lives. Judy is a CPA for Princess and Cunard cruise lines, which is headquartered a half hour away in Santa Clarita. I don’t have space to describe her or why we have such a good relationship, but I could mention that she’s never once complained about the dust or chaos here and even speaks eagerly about coming. And to see her tuck Jack in and listen patiently to him talk for fifteen minutes at the end of the day is worth so much. Last night I went in and found her laying on the bed while he talked away in the near dark. I am usually so tired at the end of the day that I usually just gave Jack a kiss and a hug and a quick “goodnight”, so Judy has shown the way. I am grateful to her for that and so much more. She likes the house and we have talked of her moving in one day, so stay tuned.
You can follow other events in the Brothers family through my (Quarterly?) blog at http://stan-n-jack.blogspot.com . I usually post a photo or two, so you can see Jack, Judy, the house and more.
That’s it. I did a quick proof of the letter and changed a few things. Seems I always find at least one typo/error after printing, but I have a long list of things to do today, so it is what it is.
Merry Christmas to all,
Stan & Jack

Lots of things to write about since my last (Quarterly?) post months ago. I hardly know where to start.

Jack's 3rd grade school year is coming along, maybe a little easier in some respects than 2nd, but just as difficult in others. He likes his teacher, and I do too, but she is all business. Lots of homework, of course. I've been pushing Jack to finish his latest book (some RL Stine of Goosebumps fame title), and get a book report done. It's 130 pages and he despaired of ever finishing it, but I think he's halfway through or more. The book report is due on Friday, so it will be a race to the finish.

People learn in different ways, so maybe I'll have to find a different way to teach Jack subtraction when you borrow numbers. We worked on it over the summer and on several occasions since, but still he forgets. I don't have any recollection of learning this subject. Maybe it is typical, but I think he'll need to do it every day for weeks in order to permanently imprint the process.

On the plus side, he has friends at school this year. Last year it took a while. I seem to be constantly looking for weekend playdates now. Another plus, Jack likes his karate class at the Y. Originally it was all ages, but I stopped by yesterday and it was just 5 or 6 kids. They all seemed to be having a great time, though.

I had hoped to finish the first bathroom remodel in July, but here it is October and it is still not done. Blame changes. I went in one direction, adding a partial wall, but then didn't like how the wall made the room seem cramped, ruining the visual lines. So major plumbing changes were in order, plus a different bathtub with left-hand drain instead of right, a new wall opened up and on and on. It's coming along, though. I will tile the floor on Saturday and should have the plumbing hooked up this week. The extra thick wall is creating a few issues or it would already be done. More plumbing changes were in order to allow the vanity to be moved 2 inches to the left. Simple stuff, you'd think, but when it comes to soldering pipe in cramped areas, ugh. Other issues came up when tiling--or prepping for tile. Lots of issues, actually, and when uncertainty creeps in, the whole process slows way down. Or stops for a week. I'm actually looking forward to the second bathroom remodel, when nothing will change in any substantial way. I can blitz through that one. Hold me to that.

I currently have no roof over half the house, and a solid, steel reinforced concrete block wall on one end of the living room is gone. All this is part of adding a second floor. Trusses were delivered yesterday, so the framers will probably start putting in a floor and building up soon. I'll post a few pictures as they do. Good thing I can live with chaos, because that's what it is around here. Dusty, noisy chaos. I juggle house work with housework and work and homework, and that's a good part of my life.

Speaking of good parts of my life, I am happy to say a wonderful girlfriend has emerged from all those Match.com coffee dates: Judy Caldeira (see photo above). She's a CPA with Princess Cruise Lines and a delight to be with in every way. To her vast credit she is comfortable just hanging with us in this dusty, chaotic house. She made some claim weeks ago about whipping me into shape organization-wise. That remains to be seen. Anyone capable of that should qualify for a major international prize. Winning a Nobel might be easier. Still, I'm a willing subject, so we shall see. Judy and Jack have begun a mutual love affair, so I plan on her being a part of our life for a long time to come. You can find more about her via her facebook pages.

I arose early to write this, but now will sign off, shower, prepare Jack's lunch and him for another day at school.

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Update 11/2

2nd floor joists are in place. Plumbing and electrical work between floors is underway...we had a fun Halloween night at Linda, Curtis and Charlies in Silverlake and a Halloween party Saturday night at the Helbergs. Always like to connect with our old Glenoaks neighbors...Some of you may know or remember my mother (Phyllis), now 90. She had a stroke and is recovering in a facility in Rome, NY. She's making progress, I'm told, so I hope she can return to the assisted living facility she's in. I'm glad I have siblings who are reasonably close to her, but I am overdue for a visit...

Good night

Jack Starts a School, Things Warm Up

I post tonight for no reason at all, which is probably the best reason. I’m being serenaded as I write: Jack is making up one minute songs and song names on the keyboard. So far I’ve heard “Castles of Shame”, “Triple Walker Talker” and…oh, poop. I’ve already forgotten the other title.

I encouraged Jack to play with the keyboard from the age of 6 weeks, but got nowhere. The more I pushed, the more he resisted. I wouldn’t say he’s “interested” now, but I’ll settle for occasionally playing without resistance. He doesn’t have homework this last week of school, so I’m substituting a few minutes of Art or Music. Art at this point consists mostly of copying images from Calvin and Hobbes books, which is also fine.

Jack has a busy social week. He was invited to a laser tag party tomorrow, has a playdate Friday and one Saturday and a birthday party as well. He wanted a BFF at his new school, but didn’t find him right away and was a little bummed. He seems to have enough friends now so that it’s no longer an issue, even if there isn’t a clearly defined BFF.

My ears perked up two nights ago when Jack and I were talking about a 5th grade girl. He said he didn’t love her, as that would make three girls and that was too much. I guessed the first “love”, his friend Lily from school. I asked about the second one, and he said “It’s another Lily. She’s a lunchroom lady and I really love her.” I guess I’ll have to stop by for lunch next fall and meet Ms. Lily.

Jack starts camp on Monday, so there’s a few days of nothing to do in the meantime. “Nothing to do” often means video games of one kind or another, though Jack has also been playing an hour a day in a dirt pile in our front yard. I’ve been waiting for another dumptruck load of dirt that may never come. Jack hopes it never comes as he loves to jump off the lawn and land in the dirt on the hillside below. He also is teaching classes. Yep. Somewhat involved stuff, and he tells me what his imaginary students are learning, but it’s some kind of military invisible robot ninja stuff that’s too complicated for me to remember. Based on the reactions of a playmate, it's a little complicated for them, too. I did hear that there were 225 invisible robots living in our house and they have "really cute babies". In any event, I often hear Jack outside talking to his students. There are rookies and generals and levels and…I can’t remember, but all this from a boy who couldn’t string two sentences together to tell about what he did on Christmas of Easter vacation. Each sentence was a struggle. Oh, well. Maybe he’s had a breakthrough. Maybe next year he’ll be a great writer. One can hope.

I have been busy on all fronts. Yesterday I turned down a few months of work for a client who just bought an office building. I have enough work already, and if I occasionally get a weekday off or don’t work for more than a few hours one day, great. I have plenty to do on our house. My bathroom re-model is coming along. I took down two walls and am moving a doorway today to accommodate a tub. Still haven’t found the right door, but I will. Meantime, there’s floor and wall tiling, erecting a half-wall (and tiling it), plumbing the new shower/bath, moving some electrical and installing lights, fan and…oh a dozen other things. Love to be done in a month. We’ll see.

I’ve had a bunch of coffee dates of late, but I’m also seeing an interesting woman who started nursing school a couple years ago at the age of 48. She was a pharmaceutical rep for 25 years but got tired of sales (imagine that). She’s bright, super affectionate, reads guy books galore (Mickey Mantle Bio, Truman Bio, “Big Russ & Me”, etc) and is great company, so I’m counting my blessings. At the moment, she’s off to Columbia on business. Doesn’t THAT sound intriguing? I haven’t told her yet that I used to buy drugs in Tijuana to bring back to CA. But, it turns out she had to sign some papers in Colombia in connection with a tiny interest in a family property. And by the way, those drugs I brought back from mexico were fertility drugs for Andrea at a fraction of the U.S. cost if you didn’t know, lol.

Plans for the 2nd floor addition apparently need a minor revision, I heard last night from my contractor. With any luck they can be revised quickly and work started soon. I had hoped to be started a few months ago. It will be quite an adventure. I don’t know if I’ve bitten off more than I can chew with this project, but it certainly is a big bite. One day at a time, one hour at a time…I’ll get through somehow. In the meantime, the pool has heated up to 83, the weather may hit 90 this week and I’m more than ready for SUMMER and warm weather. See you around the pool.

PS: I'll try to post a few Jack pictures this week

Jack Turned 8

Well, it’s over. I solo hosted my first birthday party at home, Jack’s 8th, and survived. I even had fun at times, but more importantly, Jack and his guests had fun. It was a little stressful to prepare for and mildly stressful to stage (I had to be reminded to bring out the birthday cake), but all’s well that ends well.

I woke by 5, as usual, but Jack began his day a couple hours later. The first thing he said was “Dad, you’re going to be proud of my personality today. It’s going to be a great day.”

What prompted that, I suspect, was that I’d been telling him he had to be a good host; greeting people, staying near the door, not running off with others, thanking people, etc.
Did it work? Mmmmm…not really. Oh, well. We’ll work on that next year---and the year after that, and that and that.

I hired our 17-year-old neighbor and baby-sitter Lara to help out with prep and games. Wise move. When Jack ran off with the boys she kept the four girls occupied and happy, which freed me up and made me happy as well. One of the games Lara came up with was to transfer cotton balls from one plate to another using only some Vaseline on the nose. No hands were allowed, you had to shake the balls off. The game was a hit with the girls, who wanted to play it again and again. We also had a balloon toss, egg race (with spoon), a funny farm animal game where teams had to search for goldfish (previously hidden) and make the noise of a farm animal to alert their leader, who then collected them. The team that collected the most won a prize. Everyone did, though, and got lots of candy from a piñata I’d stuffed full of good things the night before.

One thing I found interesting about the playing of games is how empowered kids are these days versus when I was 8. When I was 8, if an adult said we're now going to play spin- the-bottle, I played spin-the-bottle. Happily. But Saturday, each time a game was announced, some kids would say "I don't want to play that". I guess that's good, but it caught me by surprise.

Preparing for the party was a multi-pronged effort: preparing a menu and activities, stashing extra furniture and belongings from a garage I’d stopped renting, but which now clogged the living room. I sold several furniture items and consolidated the rest in two bedrooms…tucked away tools and work items in the carport and bins there, which freed up the patio. Tried to get the pool heater going, but failed. It turned out to be 75 degrees with a slight breeze, so no one was interested in swimming anyway. I’ve since got it working, but will wait for an occasion to crank it up. I’m buying a solar cover this week and that will help retain the heat. Current water temperature is 70, which is on the cool side for me.

In other news, Jack has made a few more friends and is doing well. Once the pool is warm I’m sure we’ll have lots of playdates. Never enough for Jack, of course, but he’ll survive. He’s taking a swim class at the Y, which can be challenging. His opinion about it changes. He got promoted to a higher group despite not being able to dive, but the last two sessions he’s (allegedly) done somersaults into the water. I’ll have to go see for myself. I used to stay and watch, but lately it seems I’ve needed to shop or check on work with a client. Maybe tomorrow. I’m almost amused by the fact that he talks with other boys in the locker room for a half-hour after class. Not sure what they talk about. I’ll have to eavesdrop.

Homework is still a struggle most nights. I work with him and think he has learned some math process, but a week later I find he has already forgotten. His teacher and perhaps his school is big on writing skills (stories). That’s been a struggle as well. Reading hasn’t been too bad, but I’ve allowed him to read Calvin and Hobbes books for a lot of his daily half-hour requirement, lately, and he enjoys them. Thanks to Steph’s boyfriend Eric for starting him on that path with a book at Christmas. Steph bought another and I bought four on Ebay, so we probably have every Calvin comic strip ever printed.

Jack is also walking on the treadmill most days. Sometimes twice. He is very pigeon-toed and a doctor said constant practice would help him. I’m not sure he gets “constant” practice, but we’re trying. We have a few hikes coming up with friends. Those should be more interesting.

I am busy and well, trying not to work six days a week, but failing. I usually don’t work a long day, though, so that helps. Social life has been active. No complaints there. I just need to find time.

It could be another 6 weeks before the County approves plans for the second floor addition. I’ve seen some figures from the contractor and am already trying to cut ten thousand out of the budget by doing some work myself and/or hiring my own people. The contractor knows I’m a DIY guy, though, and is not offended. I will start demo on a bathroom this week. Still have to figure out tile design specifics and a couple other things, but it will happen.

That’s it for today.

S

March Quarterly

Hello, Again.

Quarterly is a little too accurate, unfortunately. I don't even have a good reason why I haven't posted more often, but it's probably much the same as why others do taxes on April 14th, never quite get around to cleaning the basement, garage or attic, weed the garden or whatever.

I was about to write about what a busy time it's been, but is there anyone reading this who is NOT busy? Raise your hand....Anyone? No one? Unh-hunh. Just what I thought

My kitchen remodel has been keeping me busy for months, but in the last couple weeks the truth is I haven't done much. Little things here and there. The ugly truth is that I'll probably still be doing "little" things for weeks. Still, you can see from the photo that the kitchen is ALMOST done. I have one big project left: enlarging the window at the back. That's a serious structural undertaking, though. I'll have to cut the concrete opening and insert a steel beam over the old window and the newly enlarged area, holding up the existing area with a postjack all the while. I will tackle in the next few months, though. Along with the first bathroom remodel and pool resurfacing. I won't be doing the pool resurfacing, but I'll have to coordinate the disposition of old material and help out.

It snowed recently, so it will still be a few months before swimming season, but it was 77 last week and warm again yesterday, so you never know. Last Saturday, the 77 degree day, Jack and I went on a hike to the waterfalls at Eaton Canyon, which is just outside Pasadena. I would like to go on more hikes, but Jack is resistant to even a walk around the block at times. If there's someone else around, especially a kid, no problem. So I was prepared for some whining. Jack enjoyed the hike, though, calling it our
"adventure". The hike to the falls was 2 miles, the last mile meandering back and forth across the boulders of a small creek. Jack never tired. I was so pleased. We stayed at the falls for a half-hour or more while Jack cavorted in the water with other kids. There was some grumbling on the last mile of the return trip, but that was expected and totally okay. A little gum, some juice, the promise of a soda at the Nature Center and all was well. This Sunday we'll hit the beach for a walk after breakfast with Gramma Harriet.

In other Jack news, he is enrolled in swimming at the Y this month. He got kicked up a level after his first class and I saw traces of his old swimming ability re-emerge when he swam across a good part of the small pool underwater. I look forward to his using our pool a lot, once the weather gets warmer and the water heats up.

I did some work for a new client today whose husband is on chemotherapy. I met him, we talked a bit and all the problems sounded so familiar. Oh, the memories. I came across a pair of movie passes yesterday that theatre staff gave us after we had to walk out of the last movie we saw together after 20 minutes because Andrea was in so much pain. I guess I'll toss them because I can't imagine using them. I miss her every day. Jack asks about a new mommy once a month or so. There really is no way to explain why it could take years or even never happen. Match.com is both a gusher and a dry hole when it comes to women; interesting and depressing; good, bad, indifferent. The curious thing is that most of the women I meet for coffee are so pleasant face-to-face. They laugh, we find things in common and it's an enjoyable get-together. Then I get an email the next day saying something like "I don't think we are a good match". Of course, I have made that conclusion a few times, too. And I might go out with someone pleasant just to see if she is any different in a more relaxed setting. At any rate, I don't know if I need to fine-tune my personality for coffee dates or if there are just some women who would not deign to date a handyman despite saying 100% supportive things in person. Who knows? I'm sure I'll meet someone great in time. Three more coffee dates are scheduled soon. I have no problem going on 30 coffee dates or however many necessary. Patience. Patience. Patience.

Plans for the second floor progress and should go to the county permit office soon. It could be a couple moths after that before I can start. It's both exciting and a little scary. Like Life I guess. Stay tuned.